I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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