I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
