We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
