i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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