I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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