It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sorry about my life...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
