hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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