White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
