I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
