Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
