sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
