My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
