dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
