I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
