i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize