You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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