She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
