there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
