I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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