you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
