he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
