hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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