If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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