what day is it and did you see me today?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
