Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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