I'm jealous of your bromance
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
