I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
