can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
