I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
