Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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