did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
