I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
