I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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