so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
