Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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