You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
