I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
