well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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