it hurts more in the daytime
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
