I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
