I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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