i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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