I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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