just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
