we have pet lesbian snakes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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