Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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