Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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