does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
