he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
