anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
