He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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