Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
