just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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