I faked an abortion last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
