After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
