I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This baby is an asshole
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
