don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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