Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
