and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
